I Don’t Want to Talk About “It”…

I entered a relationship… not just any relationship. I landed one of the most sought-after c50-shades-penatches of the times. And I am grateful to have been chosen. I felt special. I slept with my ego being stroked. Lil’ ol’ me never thought I was deserving of this relationship.

I’m not glamorous. I’m not educated. I’m not fancy. And I can be quite a bit of a bitch. I was not his only lady. But I knew this. she-devil-poster2_4033

I entered it knowing in the back of my mind I wasn’t the only one. I see the business transactions. I see the wining and dining the other ladies get. I see the proud family portraits come across my timelines. I don’t say anything because… who am I to cough up demands of exclusivity?images (4)

I feel guilty for being jealous. I feel conflicted. I mean… Like I said…I knew what I was getting in to.

But still I persisted (had to say it)…hoping—praying he could adore me as much as I adored him.  I thought I had enough love for the both of us. We had children together. FIVE! I knew we could make things work. Hell… I am basically pregnant with our 6th and we planned for ten.

With each child we created together…our friends all supported us with congratulations. We had this perfect life. I thought you were proud of me. I thought we were going somewhere. I thought I was worthy. 50291443

Screen_shot_2012-10-08_at_1.13.51_PMAnd then to find out in a general email….

I’m going through the Five Stages of Grief (my own version)…stemming with inappropriate responses or nervous  humor ……CIbuMk7VEAAUVAV

Mixed with sarcasm…. you know… maybe if he’d wined and dined and show me off like he did the other ladies.. we’d still have a chance…wine-and-dine-300x200

Our friends were hearing it at the same time. You and I are no longer. The calls came. The “how are ya doing?” texts. Folks inquiring about what was actually said. And then the … “I knew it” “I could have told her” started coming around.

We’ve been officially together for a year and a half now and over the course of time I have learned a lot. I can’t do anything about the breakup.

I’ll hold my head up 6358383131744844951659630700_tumblr_mybbqup5g81qaedvuo3_r2_250high with dignity and remember the one thing I have learned… I am worthy.

In the meantime….I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to write.

Let’s see if this is one situation I can find the romance.clark-griswold-wheres-the-tylenol

In the meantime…don’t forget to pre-order your copy… oh and… leave a review please!

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The Beauty and the CEO

Undeniable chemistry

Makeup artist Zoe Baldwin can’t believe the gorgeous guy she flirted with on the way to a job interview was her potential boss. So when Will Ravens, CEO of his family’s cosmetics company, tells Zoe her innovative approach isn’t right for his brand, she agrees to work alongside him at a beauty pageant to prove her skills. But where there are sparks, there’s certain attraction…

Will is fighting to keep his family legacy afloat. He’s going back to basics at Ravens Cosmetics, leaving no time for romance or Zoe’s avant-garde ideas. But despite his intentions, he finds himself falling deeper under Zoe’s sensual spell. Amid the chaos caused by company sabotage, can both their career dreams and passionate fantasies come true?

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